Finding myself newly inspired by the human anatomy, I am also missing the raw edge of charcoal. The powdery stick in my fingers. There is something I love about charcoal. But alas, I am in extreme need of fixative. Ahh!

I am thankful for a job this summer. I will finally have some cash.

Anywhoo, I have a found a new blog that inspires me, and would like to share it with the world:

UntitledBrain

Check it out, and pray that I will be able to get some fixative ASAP.

Ciao

Spring break is nearing an end, and although it was nice to see my fellow Washingtonians, I am extremely glad to be home in Sandpoint. SB has been leisurely, lazy, and other than racing around to see friends, pretty mellow. Thankgoodness.

I realized this morning, after taking a lovely walk with mum, that I will not be able to excersize quite as much as I fancy when back at school or even after school ends.  Oh!  I should let you know that I've been HIRED!!  Yay! I am excited, first official job, but a bit disappointed that I will not be able to be at the beach 24/7 all summer, chill, and run along the trails in the wonderful weather. Oh, It is not all down the drain, I must tell my self. It is nice to earn some cash though. And another bonus is getting in @ Silverwood for free and two free passes with each paycheck.

Another note....

Of late I have been exploring the Christian Hip-hop scene. I love Hip-hop and Rap but I've been sick of the crap, and the perverted ideas and suggestions ect. supported and endorsed in a majority of the hip-hop stuff that I hear. Now by no means am I completely dissing secular hip-hop but I have actually been finding some good Christian hip-hop artists such as: Lecrea, Trip Lee, Flame, Everyday Process, Sho Baraka, The Cross Movement, ect...

sonnet 14

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
'I love her for her smile—her look—her way
Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day'—
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,—and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,—
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.

-Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I wish

To create another person, to pretend that I am

what I want to be. To dream about love, to fantasize about life,

to want what I will never get. But maybe, if I tried hard?

I would like to not know the real me. And I don't. Not really.

I would like to pretend that I am good. I would like to think that

I really care about people. I would like to think that I'm not a jerk.

It would be nice to be something good.

Have you ever wished you were spectacular?

Do you wish you were amazing?

My life really doesn't make out for an interesting blog so please excuse my absence.

Haha. Ooops. For a second I was imagining somebody actually reads these waste of words.

Anywhoo....

Homework + Music + Reading (yes!)+ Sketching a bit + Not getting enough sleep(ugh) + Sewing a tutu + Loads of coffee (caffeine) + Doing crunches like a maniac (swimsuit season coming up. ugh.) + Attempting to make sense of bitchy and annoying people = My. Current. Life. In. A. Nutshell.

Oh but there is a good thing:

• Silverwood themepark employs 14 yearolds

• I applied for a job. whoa.

• I am really hoping to get a job, save up for a car, college, stupid things like that

• Oh. Aaand. I heard you can get a driving permit at 14 1/2 here in the backwoods. OMG!

I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE!!

If I didn't I would not be living...er...I wouldn't want to live anyways.

Walk with dignity

You're worth more than that

Beautiful, a butterfly, a starrynight sky,

The raging ocean waves,

a here and there.

A mask, a disguise, 

Refuse to let it show

How you are

Who you are

I know its hard to walk with dignity

In your stride

When you just wanna cry

You really wanna die

But you're beautiful

So my darling girl

Put up a fight

Please.

How could he?

Sometimes I worry that some of the thoughts tumbling around in my head might just spill out. That would be embarrassing I think. Or maybe a little bit unsettling.

Sometimes I wonder about complete openness. What if someone you knew everything you thought, everything you meant, everything you really are or were.

I'm not sure how a relationship like that would turn out.

But what if that person was still completely in love with you. And you were just a jerk.

I kind of feel like that. What a drag I am. I just keep falling and dragging him down with me.

I keep stumbling, right after refusing his hand to help me along.

I don't get it.